Feelings

It is pretty amazing to see how humans interact with each other, and how we build relationships
All the relationships, parents and kids, Romantic relationships, and friends relationships
they are most beautiful treasure in our life. But at the same time, if we make mistakes, the pain in there is so unforgettable.
Language is so funny to describe our feelings, especially with heart-broken. How the heart feeling related to our brain? Is our heart really hurting? Or is just the sad emotion in the brain to produce chemistry in our heart to make us so hurt?
I am so surprised creator or God make us so scientific. And the same time, I appreciate our human beings' effort in this world, to add more color according to what we want. It is just so beautiful activities we are doing. Of course, we did not create all the good things, we make mistakes, sometime we do not know how to use the things God gives us.
I have feelings, I got very scared when my sub-mom yell at me, even not mean way. I do not like high pitch voice. It bothers me. Poor my sister, I yelled at her so many times when she was little. I love her though, I will never do the high pitch voice to anyone. But I do need to be OK when others yell at me, no tears, no bothering, it is just the way who they are.
I feel sad when my good friend Pride cannot be close to me, because I cannot allow myself to love him in Romantic way. He is such good guy, amazing person. I love his spirit. I love him as a friend. But I cannot allow myself to like him in Romantic way, only because he is too old for me. To certain degree, he may know this is the reason. Sometimes I may use boys' care and love for him, to be a little bitchy in front of them. I may not act the best I would.
Dear Pride friend, I am so sorry that I cannot allow myself to love you as girl friend. From this moment, I will try my best to be a good friend of you. I will care you as a friend. I will not use you, I will not act like a bitch. I will not flirt with you. Friend is Friend. I have to take the responsibility for our future. Because I want to remain good friendship between us.
I appreciate those feelings. Even though sometimes these feelings do not make me happy. But it is the motivation for me to think, to decide, to be alive.

At the wake up coffee shop, met a friend, his name is Alex, very cool guy, has a wife. Plan to move to Turkey in September.
Watch Olympic game, Valley ball between USA and CHN, Hope CHN will Win. Sorry, USA Even though I love you tons, but China is my heart.
 Listen to the beautiful music.

From PP

Part time jobs

It is an most beautiful place I have ever been lived. Here I am to build myself Doing lots of physical exercise, pull ups, rib exercise and weights lifting I love being physically active. Getting so much better at social skills Yay, it is penny. I am very glad that I have a friend here Pride. He introduced me few jobs. I probably should go and find jobs by myself. Work about 10 hours for Pride, I really hope we can create good videos and do good personal sales and do some wonderful business. I am very attractive to the projects we are talking about. Keep my fingers crossed. I do not want to regret that I waste so much time to empty myself. Until now, the knowledge of pholosephy I read just does not make any sens to me. But it definitely build me another different part of me. Very interesting side of me, very proud of this Another job is working at vantage clothing store The boss, owner he is super nice and kind He has really cool stuff in his store. I am learning about the old and unique stuff. It is very American culture store. Learning and enjoy the store At the beginning of the august, I will be working for an ice cream shop I am very excited for that Yeah, one of the reasons is I can make more money. Hope that I can make one of the classes money for the fall semester. Happy that Katie is home. Mami is home.

By the window

Reading an Australia's guy's traveling blog,
http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/technotrekker/overland05/1121286000/tpod.html
It is cool, to see the world through his lovely eyes.
The beauty of details that he described are so close to us
Maybe when we are traveling, our eyes and minds are more attractive to anything
I love the traveling spirits.
As a girl, I traveled from China, to America, to Canada, and to Mexico
He travels to discover himself
I travel, sometimes, I even do not know the meaning, Maybe I do not need know why I travel
traveling by itself reveals the excitement, the new ideas, the lovely and wonderful people we can be friends easily on the road.

My heart is flying by his writing
My confidence is growing by what he can do
I know backpack trips are on my bucket list. I am going to buy myself a wonderful backpack first when Katie comes back from Africa. (She is also an inspiring person in my life)

Now I am at the island, St. Simons island, I love being here. People are pretty rich over here. I am from a little village town girl, even though I spent most time in the city. I am glad to observe how rich people live their life. Especially on the Sea island, which is a private island. My friend Alfred took me there, Maybe it was a Romantic date. Ha, Sea island is beautiful, houses are billions and billions dollars, people just come for vacation. Those houses are their second, third, forth, even fifth house. I heard many famous people have house there, Like Bill Gates. My friend Alfred helps to clean their swim pools. We walked on the beach, talked about if we want these rich people's house.
Honestly, I do not mind to have those house for vacation, but I know I won't like to live in those houses. It is just too boring to surround by so many rich and beautiful things.

Writing this entry at a lovely coffee shop on the island, it is thundering and lighting outside the window. It is a little bit terrifying for me. With the beautiful scenery,  trees and marsh outside, it is worth to let my heart beating a little faster by the thundering and lighting.

Rain, let it rain.

oh, boy

One thing I knew myself is that
I hate to be told to do certain things
I do not care who you are
I just do not like for you telling me to do it
I have my own brain, mind

However, life is real
sometimes, people like acting they want to be your teacher
they want to give orders to others
We cannot change others very easily
We need to be patient
because we are learning to be smart
to have good relationships
at the same time, I need to have those tricks to change others
change them is for their sake
because I believe they will be better and happier

the Odd is that we cannot tell others where they need to change
we learned to be OK with their rules, we learned to be happy with it
only because they are formed in the context I even do not know
I live the way I want to
and at the same time I appreciate who you are
let you live your life own, without judging you, or try to understand you
Maybe help you in hidden way, help you to deliberate from yourself
it is smart way to live

Smile :)

Summer mind

Got up about 12 PM
had Pizza for lunch
watched some funny videos
trying to watch some educational video
plan to read some books
Have not been able to enjoy the rendering life for a long while

I was used to give myself stress and pressure
to pursue the average people's life
I was trying to find a boy friend
I was trying to live a fancy life
I was, I was, I was......
all those things do not make me happy

I realize that being myself is a happy life
being able to have confidence to live my life out
being able to have the courage to do my own things
being able to wear the clothes I want to wear
being able to not praise myself
being able to be proud of myself
I simply do not care what the results are
I just want to enjoy the process, the way of being myself

I have dream, have hope, have future
I can make myself happy, and others happy
because I like changing
I enjoy the process

Smile, and being foolish and silly

live out, not exist

I went to piano rehearsal for our piano team showcase Monday night.
We have two people for second part, which is me and a boy.
I am glad that I can do it, but I obviously feel that I want to depend on the boy
I want him to lead me
but I know I can play by myself without looking at him.

I thought lots of little things in my life
speaking out, be myself, to be good....
I did not allow myself to do 100%
I do it by 80%, and blame on myself
The thought, the way how I react retard myself

I was watching TED talks
A paster, he said "live your life out, not only exist"
I was watching Youtube
Will smith's saying "die for the dream"
very touching, and very encouraging me to step further

I enjoy being here, and being changelled by the situations
Very thankful for friends, house church.

Smile, and be happy
life will be better because I am making it better for the world
enjoy today
so we went to Sonic for ice cream
good, yum!!!!

I can do it

Sometimes I am confused
I need energy, motivation and inspirations to step up
Sometimes I even do not understand what I am thinking
It is not normal, Deep heart of me, wants to change
because it does not feel right

So I went to run, I ran about 30 minutes
It was hard, because I have not run for couple of months, since my "foot fingers"(cute Chinglish) got injured
"I am willing to die for running"
because I believe I can do it, because I know I won't die
as I expected, I finished 30 minutes running
The process was not enjoying, I have to debate with myself, and telling myself I can do it, even another part of me telling me "quit is so much easier"
After it, I stretched my hands out to reach the air as far as I can
it is wonderful feeling
I do not need to be more skinny, I do not need to be more healthy, all I need is my belief
I need to tell myself that I can do it, even I deny myself a little, even it takes the painful process
I can do it, even my mind tricks me, I can do it, as long as I keep doing it, and believe it
Running is always a activity for training my mind to be firm, to changel myself that I can do beyond the things I believe myself

It is the beauty that God gives everyone, that we can develop the skills
Good night!!! for my friends