oh, boy

One thing I knew myself is that
I hate to be told to do certain things
I do not care who you are
I just do not like for you telling me to do it
I have my own brain, mind

However, life is real
sometimes, people like acting they want to be your teacher
they want to give orders to others
We cannot change others very easily
We need to be patient
because we are learning to be smart
to have good relationships
at the same time, I need to have those tricks to change others
change them is for their sake
because I believe they will be better and happier

the Odd is that we cannot tell others where they need to change
we learned to be OK with their rules, we learned to be happy with it
only because they are formed in the context I even do not know
I live the way I want to
and at the same time I appreciate who you are
let you live your life own, without judging you, or try to understand you
Maybe help you in hidden way, help you to deliberate from yourself
it is smart way to live

Smile :)

Summer mind

Got up about 12 PM
had Pizza for lunch
watched some funny videos
trying to watch some educational video
plan to read some books
Have not been able to enjoy the rendering life for a long while

I was used to give myself stress and pressure
to pursue the average people's life
I was trying to find a boy friend
I was trying to live a fancy life
I was, I was, I was......
all those things do not make me happy

I realize that being myself is a happy life
being able to have confidence to live my life out
being able to have the courage to do my own things
being able to wear the clothes I want to wear
being able to not praise myself
being able to be proud of myself
I simply do not care what the results are
I just want to enjoy the process, the way of being myself

I have dream, have hope, have future
I can make myself happy, and others happy
because I like changing
I enjoy the process

Smile, and being foolish and silly

live out, not exist

I went to piano rehearsal for our piano team showcase Monday night.
We have two people for second part, which is me and a boy.
I am glad that I can do it, but I obviously feel that I want to depend on the boy
I want him to lead me
but I know I can play by myself without looking at him.

I thought lots of little things in my life
speaking out, be myself, to be good....
I did not allow myself to do 100%
I do it by 80%, and blame on myself
The thought, the way how I react retard myself

I was watching TED talks
A paster, he said "live your life out, not only exist"
I was watching Youtube
Will smith's saying "die for the dream"
very touching, and very encouraging me to step further

I enjoy being here, and being changelled by the situations
Very thankful for friends, house church.

Smile, and be happy
life will be better because I am making it better for the world
enjoy today
so we went to Sonic for ice cream
good, yum!!!!

I can do it

Sometimes I am confused
I need energy, motivation and inspirations to step up
Sometimes I even do not understand what I am thinking
It is not normal, Deep heart of me, wants to change
because it does not feel right

So I went to run, I ran about 30 minutes
It was hard, because I have not run for couple of months, since my "foot fingers"(cute Chinglish) got injured
"I am willing to die for running"
because I believe I can do it, because I know I won't die
as I expected, I finished 30 minutes running
The process was not enjoying, I have to debate with myself, and telling myself I can do it, even another part of me telling me "quit is so much easier"
After it, I stretched my hands out to reach the air as far as I can
it is wonderful feeling
I do not need to be more skinny, I do not need to be more healthy, all I need is my belief
I need to tell myself that I can do it, even I deny myself a little, even it takes the painful process
I can do it, even my mind tricks me, I can do it, as long as I keep doing it, and believe it
Running is always a activity for training my mind to be firm, to changel myself that I can do beyond the things I believe myself

It is the beauty that God gives everyone, that we can develop the skills
Good night!!! for my friends